Kávéízű bemutatott az edzőjének. Persze csak virtuálisan. Fura úgy megismerni valakit, hogy az illető már sokkal többet tud rólad, főleg akkor, ha a legféltettebb titkodat is tudja. A srác kábé egyidős velem, heteró és semmi gondja nincs azzal, ha valaki meleg. Teljesen természetesen kezeli a kérdést, és ez nagyon szimpatikus benne. (Meg persze jól is néz ki, de ez alapból elvárható egy edzőtől, aki másodállásban sztripper is :) )
A múltkor azt kérdezte, hogy lehet hogy a legjobb haverom előtt sem outolok. Írtam neki egy választ erre, amit gondoltam ide is beposztolok. Angolul hagyom, egyrészt mert lusta vagyok most újra beírni, másrészt mert élvezem ahogy megváltozik a stílusom, ha angolul beszélek.
I understand you think it's weird that I don't come out to my best friend. Yeah, I admit, it is.
The thing is, it still feels pretty strange for me to be able to talk with you absolute honestly, since you've known my deepest secret from the start. You see I haven't been able to be honest with somebody nearly my whole life. I've always thought that somehow I'll change, that it's all just a bad habbit, and I'll get rid of it somtimes. I thought if I keep it in secret, nothing will go wrong, since I'll get "normal" in time anyway... It didn't happen, only became worse.
It was last year when I told myself, that I just don't see any way to live a happy life like this. Waiting for a miracle to happen, trying to date girls, expecting they'll change me. It didn't work. So I gave in, and now I guess I'm okay with my self right now, but I'm just at the first step. Coming out to someone I've known for a long time is a HUGE next step. I know I will make it, but I need some more time.
I've lost a lot of "best friends" because I wasn't completely honest with them. I know it was my fault, and because of that I was always this introverted, closed up loner. To my luck, friends came along anyway, not matter how closed up I was. This guy, my current best bud, he's pretty understanding. Hell, he even kissed a guy before, and he's proud of that. He's talking about sex with his gf all the time, but rarely asks me about my sex life, as if he knows everything already. I'm grateful for him, not asking. It's almost as if he's waiting for me to say it, and then he'd answer: You silly goose, I've known it for a long time now!" I know I can trust him, but it's still hard. If I tell it to one person I'll have to tell it to others too, because I can't be sure if it'll stay a secret. So I guess I'm waiting for me to get ready to tell it to everyone. That's when I'll tell it to him first.
Why am I writing this to you? I guess I just wanted you to understand me better.
