"I hate other gay men. I tell my friends, I'm a homophobic gay man. Gay men are shallow, gay men are promiscous. They always turn their noses up at me. They never talk to me. They think they're better than me. I can't say no to sex. If someone's there, I'll have sex with them even if I don't fancy them. I don't know why. I'll go online just to check my messages - and at 4 I'm at someone's house. Again. What I really want is a boyfriend but if you can't beat them, join them. I get drunk all the time. I go out clubbing too much. I cane it too many times. The scene is really bitchy. If I meet someone who does seem nice I get really obsessed. I plan our wedding, what my friends will think, the life we'll have together, before I even know them. I get really jealous in relationships. I'm sure they'll probably leave me. I sometimes feel like I'm the best person in the world and then like the worst piece of shit that ever lived. I'm really insecure but I'm always right. I love a row. I'm too ugly to compete on the gay scene. I'm too good looking. I need someone to have a big chest, washboard stomach, a six pack and a big dick but I hate the body fascism that so many of us have. I tell it like it is. I demand high standards of myself and expect them in others. Thank God I'm seeing someone now. He's the man of my dreams. It's monogamous. Well. It's ment to be. I mostly use a condom. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Or me..."
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